One of the defining moments in my entire life, happened during my teenage years.
When I was a teenager, I was depressed. If you’ve ever met a teenager in your life you know that this is not uncommon.
I went through a period of a few years where I felt very lonely, very sad, and very hopeless. I wrote poetry, sometimes angry, sometimes melancholy. I was/am a romantic and I tend to feel things very deeply. I spent a lot of time by myself.
It was during this dark period of my life that I watched Dead Poets Society.
I was mesmerized watching Robin Williams play the part of Mr. Keating.
He encouraged his students to stand on their desks in order to instill the lesson that they should consistently look at the world from a different point of view.
He reminded them that life is short, and that all great men before them are now nothing more than “worm food,” and memories of the past. The phrase “Carpe Diem” was forever burned into my consciousness.
At that moment, I could no longer tolerate my own sadness. I could no longer stand to be depressed. I became obsessed with living in the moment, capturing the magic of each day, of each moment.
Depression comes in all forms and I feel lucky that the particular brand of depression I have battled in my life is not terribly serious and often directly related to circumstance. I’ve never seriously contemplated suicide. I have never needed medication. Many are not so lucky.
When I get sad, I think of Mr. Keating, eerily whispering carpe diem as the students looked over pictures of dead men. Generally, this makes me feel better, but I understand how lucky I am that this technique works for me.
For a while, I believed that depression was something that anyone could snap themselves out of by simply altering their perspective. I no longer believe this.
The sad irony is that the man I think of when I get sad, depressed and lonely, was a man so sad and depressed that he took his own life.
RIP. Oh Captain, My Captain
